Sadism and BDSM: Gaining pleasure through pain and dominance

5 Min. Lesezeit

The second meaning of the S in BDSM, besides the duo Dominance and Submission, is Sadism. This term refers to the experience of gratification by inflicting pain on others. The resulting pleasure can come not only from causing physical pain. But also from humiliation, oppression and the creation of fear.

In this context, the German psychiatrist and forensic physician Richard von Krafft-Ebing first introduced the term “Sadism” in 1866. He derived it from Donatien Alphonse François Marquis de Sade, whose pornographic writings contained fantasies of violence.

You sadist!

Inseparable from Sadism is Masochism, named after the author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch (1836–1895). This term refers to the exact opposite – the sexual pleasure of receiving pain. Since in the BDSM context sadism and masochism are closely linked, the term “sadomasochism” arose. In common parlance, this term covers all sexual practices that deviate from socially accepted norms and involve a combination of pleasure and pain.

For a long time, sadomasochistic tendencies, even when practised by mutual consent, were considered mental disorders or perversions. Only with the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (2013) did this view change. In this updated version of the globally recognised guide for psychiatric diagnosis, sadomasochism was removed as a paraphilia.
Yet, the term “sadist” is also used in general language, not only in a sexual context. It also refers to people who take pleasure in the suffering of others.

What causes sadistic tendencies?

There are numerous theories that attempt to explain the origin of sadistic tendencies. One well-known psychoanalytic approach, for example, is an unresolved Oedipus complex. Psychoanalyst Nikolaus Becker and psychiatrist Eberhart Schorsch consider sadism to be the result of a disturbed personality development (in “Angst, Lust, Destruction: Sadism as Social and Criminal Action.” 1977).

Another approach, proposed by Robert Stoller, is to compensate for unpleasant events by sexualising them. Sex is seen as a positive antithesis to pain, thereby associating negative experiences with something beautiful.

However, these and other psychoanalytic models are not scientifically testable. Moreover, there is criticism of such theories because not all Sadists exhibit developmental disorder. Some sadists discover their tendencies without a negative antecedent and had a happy childhood.

An alternative approach is Pavlovian conditioning. This assumes that sexual arousal can be learned through suffering, for example through repeated sadistic fantasies during masturbation. The conditioning is reinforced by repetition. However, this theory presupposes a spontaneous key experience and is criticised for this reason.

Science has not yet produced any clear results in this area. However, the fact is that almost everyone has sexually violent fantasies, which in itself is no cause for concern.

There are different types of Sadism, which can vary in intensity, orientation and specific practices.

Common forms

  1. Sexual sadism: This refers to the experience of sexual gratification through the infliction of pain, humiliation or dominance over a partner. This can occur to varying degrees and in a variety of ways, including physical violence, verbal humiliation or emotional manipulation.
  2. Psychological sadism: Here the emphasis is on the emotional or psychological component. A psychological sadist enjoys inflicting emotional pain or fear on others, for example by exerting control, manipulation or emotional pressure.
  3. Everyday Sadism: This refers to non-sexual situations in which a person takes pleasure in harming others or seeing them suffer. For example, belittling or taking advantage of others in social or professional situations.
  4. Instrumental sadism: This is about using pain or suffering as a means to an end to achieve a particular goal. This can occur in various contexts, such as politics, the military or criminal activities.
  5. Compensatory sadism: In this variant, causing physical or psychological pain instead of sexual intercourse becomes the central element. Here, the sadistic tendencies are no longer just an addition to sexual satisfaction or to intensify pleasure. But take on the role of the actual sexual act.

It is important to emphasise that not all sadistic inclinations are problematic or harmful, as long as they are acted out by mutual consent and no unwanted harm is caused. In the BDSM scene, for example, such activities are usually consensual and clear rules and boundaries apply to ensure the safety and well-being of all involved.

Important notes on sadism

Before performing sadistic acts on another person within a BDSM scene, there are a few points to keep in mind. It goes without saying that the consent of the persons involved must be given. And the situation must comply with the SSC requirements (Safe, Sane, Consensual). Both parties should clearly agree which sadistic practices are desired and which limits should be respected. A traffic light system and a safeword are helpful in this regard.

A responsible Sadist should not only be familiar with the aids used, but also have knowledge of the human body. They should know when and where pain can lead to injury or even be life-threatening. Consensual Sadism in the context of BDSM should always be done in a controlled and safe manner to clearly distinguish it from violence and cruelty.

The appropriate item for a Sadist would be a Masochist. However, other submissive roles may also enjoy certain sadistic acts, such as humiliation. Conversely, caution should be exercised: Not all bottoms are masochistic, and not all masochists enjoy the same kind of pain. Therefore, open communication is crucial.

In addition, intensive aftercare after sadistic practices is essential. Both for the person who has received pain and for the sadist themselves. This helps both sides to return to reality after a session and to feel emotionally supported. For sadists in particular, this can be important in order to deal with possible remorse or regret, which can occur as a so-called dom-drop.

Be careful with …

Although Sadism in itself is neither considered a mental disorder nor a disease, this predilection can unfortunately get out of control, turn into aggression and/or lead to serious (sexual) offences. In extreme cases, even life and physical integrity can be threatened. If a person can no longer control his or her sadism and the desires become too extreme to be lived out consensually, this is called a paraphilia.

  • Loss of control: When a sadist can no longer control their tendencies, this can lead to extreme and potentially dangerous situations that go far beyond consensual practices.
  • Non-consensual acts: When sadistic acts are carried out without the consent of the persons involved, they can lead to serious physical and psychological injuries.
  • Damage to relationships: Sadism can become a strain on personal relationships if there are misunderstandings, breaches of trust or lack of communication.
  • Stigmatisation: Sadistic tendencies can be seen by society as abnormal or perverted, which can lead to stigmatisation and social exclusion.
  • Legal consequences: In some cases, sadistic acts may be against the law, especially if they are carried out without consent or as part of criminal offences.
  • Psychological problems: For some individuals, sadistic tendencies may be due to mental disorders or trauma that require professional treatment.
  • Negative self-perception: Some sadists may experience feelings of guilt or self-hatred as a result of their tendencies, which can lead to negative effects on their self-esteem.

Boundaries

If you feel that your sadistic tendencies are getting out of control or crossing a line, it is important to get help. First, you should try to understand your own feelings and tendencies through self-reflection and see if they are really problematic or if they may be unfounded fears. Talk openly about your concerns with your partner or other trusted people. Open dialogue can help you find understanding and support.
If necessary, seek professional help by seeing a therapist or psychologist who has experience with sexual tendencies, paraphilias or treating people in the BDSM scene. They can help you to better understand your tendencies and address any problems or concerns you may have.

There are also support groups and online forums for people who have similar tendencies or are confronted with similar problems. Here you can get advice, support and share experiences with others. In some countries, there are special counselling centres or contact points dealing with sexual inclinations or abuse issues, such as the SMJG help line or the sexual abuse help line. Both offer support and prevention counselling.
Educate yourself about sadism, BDSM and the proper safety measures to engage in your practices responsibly and safely. Remember that there is no shame in seeking support and that there are many resources available to help you act out your inclinations in a healthy and responsible way.

 

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